Japan Part II

Last year I found myself both continually drawn to and frustrated by several old ladies in church...but one in particular.  What was I frustrated by?  Well, the same thing that frustrates me in many people (including myself)...not just their captivity and lives marked by fear, loneliness, and a survival mentality, but their seeming desire to stay in that place.  It really is the human condition.  We are very silly creatures, humans.  Rich Mullins says it very eloquently, "I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, than take what you give that I need."  Proverbs says it a little more bluntly, "As a dog returns to its vomit."  Jesus expressed God's heart response: "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing."  Whether it is living in addiction, abuse, or just settling for survival... we crazy people most often drift toward what is familiar and comfortable (however destructive and awful it might be) instead of freedom and abundance.  Whether we are the ones inflicting or receiving is based simply on our personality.  The bullies and the bullied are all captives...just different sides of the coin of misery.

So, back to this particular woman (who we affectionately call the "Cat Lady").  She would always say that she was lonely but couldn't come to church because her cat would be lonely.  She couldn't come pray because she couldn't leave her cat...etc., etc.  I felt like I was arguing with/yelling at her ever single Sunday.  "You were made for more than wasting away at home with your cat.  You still have life in you.  You were designed for prayer, for worship, for fellowship, for community, for love.  Stop living in fear and in the past."  There were many other well-meaning church ladies who would try to explain to me that she is just that way...try to quiet me from the uncomfortable...and downright painful things I was saying.  And every week I would complain to God, "Why do I always have to be the mean one?  Why do I get the "fun" job of yelling at people?"  He just patted me on the head and sent me on my way again.  "You know why, Cindy, because they need to be set free - and setting people free is rarely a fun, or warm-fuzzy battle."

Well, God is gracious and more often than is necessary lets me see the fruit of obedience - the freedom that truth and light bring.  It is the same battle I hear my mother fighting on a daily basis with my younger siblings...fighting for them by fighting against them and their continual destructive choices.  She doesn't get to see victory nearly as often as I do.  Most parents don't I imagine because their calling is much more long term.  

So, what is the victory I keep alluding to?  Well last week Mrs. Cat Lady told me how sad and lonely it had been all summer without me there.  Without me?  The one who yells at her regularly and tells her the life she is living is not what God wants for her?  She talked about how when I first came she thought it was really strange that I would hug her.  Yesterday, she walked toward me with arms outstretched seeking out a hug.  I asked her during the meal about what she had been learning or experiencing in her faith walk recently.  She had no answer.  "I don't read my Bible," she confessed...obviously looking for pity.  She received none and I launched into a sermon (this is not the first one on this topic) about how we don't wait until we aren't depressed to read God's word (that was her excuse), but that it is the light that helps pull us out of the darkness.  Another church member interrupted me to explain that she has always been this way since she was a child (depressed and unable to read the Bible) and that I should leave her alone.  I started explaining that when we cannot read the Bible or worship on our own that is when we need the body of Christ to help us and pray for and with us.  Then, wouldn't you know it, another 84-old timid little church member starts talking passionately about how she is often afraid, but that she just yells out loud when she is scared for Jesus to hold her hand and walk with her and then she yells at Satan to "Get out of here."  She didn't say any of this quietly or timidly - but with passion and very strong Japanese.  It was beautiful.  She is not a fiery lady, but man, she was preaching as strongly as I had just been...and with stronger Japanese!  Her face radiated joy and freedom as she shared where strength and hope come from...100% from Jesus...IN our weakness, not after we conquer weakness.

After lunch Betsy and I asked Mrs. Cat Lady if we could pray for her.  She started getting fidgety and saying she would have to go home soon, etc., etc., but we assured her that we would just pray quickly for God to protect and strengthen her.  She agreed and we sat in the sanctuary...both of us praying in our very non-eloquent Japanese.  Betsy didn't even pray for her directly - she simply praised God and his character.  I prayed a simple prayer for her and then read (in VERY  jolted Japanese) Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3.  Megumi had arrived mid-prayer and joined by laying hands on her also.  We finished and she took off her glasses to wipe away her tears.    She apologized for crying and then poured out some of her struggles and fears and pains.  She sat there without fidgeting, allowing herself to receive love.  She isn't completely free yet, but with each encounter she allows a little more of God's truth and his love to penetrate and bring light, warmth, and healing.  You can see the look of hope (still small, but distinctly there)...can there really be victorious living?  Can I really hope for more than this miserable life of fear and survival that I have simply resigned myself to all these years?  Yes and yes!  There is no darkness so old or set that God's light cannot penetrate and release.  That is the good news.  The light of the world has come...the true light that gives light to every man.  Salvation doesn't begin after we die.  Goodness no!  Salvation and freedom and eternal life begin when Jesus' light enters our dark souls.  "You shall know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free."